J:10 LIVE on the Radio Tonight @ 9PM!

I’ll be helping out some friends tonight on the air @ 88.3FM WAIF from 9-10pm.  We’ll be promoting the big Zombie Apocalypse Halloween show, taking place Oct.31 @ Mad Hatter, featuring Angels of Meth, Banderas, Dead August, and many more.

There will also be some live acoustic music on the air tonight, along with some cool zombie/horror makeup tips, and other fun shenanigans.  Feel free to call in & talk with us live @ 513-749-1444.

Here’s the Official flier:

(Special Thanks to Matt Ogden)

UPDATED PHOTOS:


Goals.

 

Going out and drinking kind of makes me sick to even think about right now. Yeah, I love drinking. Yes, I am seduced by the mere smell of a lit cigarette. And, that makes me hate it even more. And I hate that no matter where I go, or who I’m with, there has to be liquor somehow involved. Again, I like the taste of bourbon, and i love good beer. And it’s now apparent that I have an apparent love/hate affair with alcohol. And I feel like a little junkie when it comes to nicotine.

But, in the process, I learned a lot about myself and unfortunately, a little about the people around me. More on that in a moment.

I’m not anti-fun. I’m not even anti-drinking. I mean, I love to laugh, and I love life, for the most part. There is so much i want to do, and so much I have to be excited about, both in the present as well as the future. I’ve actually just given up smoking, and I know that drinking makes it ten times harder for me, so I had to give up two things i liked at once, in order for it to work. Maybe eventually I will be able to drink a beer or sit down inside a bar, and not be tempted or bothered by other people’s choices. I just know that right now it’s the worst possible thing I can do to myself - putting those things in front of my face, it’s just making me severely angry. You may as well shove a needle in my arm, because if I don’t stop these addictions now, it’s all going to eventually ruin any chance I have of getting out of the awful mess.

I worked my ass off to graduate high school on time, being so far behind my Junior and Senior years. My own fault (I started partying, and stopped going to class). Well, I finished on time, and I worked my ass off to buy my first vehicle. It was a piece of shit, but I earned it. Soon after, I worked my ass off to get into college. I didn’t have a single person walk me into school, or sign me up. My mom and dad weren’t there to hold my hand, that’s for sure. But I did it on my own.

At some point, it was a good idea to sacrifice college for pursuing a dream of being in the music business. I’d like to think I came within a year from accomplishing this goal before life had it’s way, and it was proven that it wasn’t meant to be. I kind of spiraled down, completely out of control for the next few years. Drinking, experimenting with this and that, and of course indulging myself with women. Being in a constant state of bliss of alcohol and women, it’s so easy to downplay what it is we’re really supposed to be doing. Call it responsibility, or “God’s Plan.” Call it whatever you want, just don’t expect to take it too seriously when you’re rockin and rollin.

Over the course of the years of 21 to 24, I had began to drink myself stupid, and smoked the life out of every cigarette I could afford. I started to lose track of everything I had planned on doing, and the hole in my heart widened more with each blackout, and drunken “did I really do that?,” moment.

It took two years to rebound from the failure of my first band, from which point I was given a second chance at it. Within another year, I was back on my way, when I was faced with the biggest decision of my entire life (so far). I again sacrificed, and packed up for California.

You have to understand, this is also where everything began to change, and my new habits were beginning to form. I started to realize that I was miserable, hated my life, and most importantly, that nothing was ever going to change unless I did it for myself. At the time, I didn’t even know where to begin. I remember staring at this giant mountain, and feeling helpless over all of life’s problems.

This is where everything gets confusing. I stopped being me. I became a machine. I worked 50+ hours a week at a factory, saved almost three grand, and was able to move to Los Angeles. And then I stopped drinking and smoking, because I began to feel real happiness.

I can’t explain why I did it. Maybe it was the endless hours and daily dollars spent. Maybe it was the vacuum it had created in my life. Perhaps it’s just because it wasn’t fun anymore. Maybe I just don’t want to fall in deep like so many around me. I know I left for California and quit everything. Drinking, smoking, etc. And I found that there is so much more out there, outside of this small city we live in, and it doesn’t all involve drinking and smoking until we’re wrecked.

Then I moved back to Kentucky, wound up tangled in an emotional mess, and slowly began to fall right back into the same awful cycle that equals your typical weekend in Cincinnati. It’s hard to notice when you’re right in the middle of it, but trust me, it exists. It has a pulse, and it thrives off of the lonely, the dire, and the lost. When it’s finished, we’re all left jaded, and even worse, some in denial.

I remember the absolute worst part. It was my 26th birthday (and also St. Patrick’s Day), where we celebrated in Louisville. Some of my closest friends and I had gone out drinking, had a blast (from what i recall), and we wound up at a strip club, where I was getting lapdances. I remember staring at this sexy body, being barely able to hold my head up from so much liquor, yet feeling her body grind so hard and smooth into mine, and the entire time, in the fucked-up disaster thought-process I had, thinking of how badly heartbroken I was from missing the girl I had just ended a relationship with. It only made me want more of the lapdance, and more alcohol. I wanted to overdue it. I wanted to pass out and be carried away.

As we left and headed back to the house we were staying in, two of my buddies started fighting, and wound up outside of the car, getting physical, and the cops arrived. Everyone was piss-wasted, somehow the cop let us go (thanks to our driver being somewhat coherent). As we were back on our way, the fighting inside the car continued, and I remember hating it all. I remember screaming as hard as I ever have at whoever would listen, as we almost wrecked, and then jumping out of the parked vehicle, throwing my keys and cell phone as far as I could, walking away, and collapsing into a wet field.

I remember one of the best friends of my life following after me, as I lied there, tears streaming down my face, into the wet ground I was laying face down in. Nothing was right. Everything was wrong. I had been carrying a severed heart, split in two. I wondered what my ex-girlfriend would have thought if she could have seen me right then, what she was doing at that exact moment, and wondering if she, in fact, even cared at all. Finally, my body began to reject the poison I had been putting into it for so long.

It wasn’t always bad. I also began to form very positive habits, to go along with falling back into the night life. I started going back to college, and actually pursuing my dreams of earning a degree, and establishing myself as a professional artist. And this is the biggest blessing I’ve been given.

Not a single day goes by (or night), that I’m not invited to go out and drink. This is what worries me. Is it really that empty in this town that we have to all go out get liquored up, just enough to forget about how bad we hate our jobs, or just enough to numb or appease our unhappiness? Is it possible that some of us are so badly hooked on the lifestyle that we’d actually swear we weren’t? It’s not for me to figure out anymore, I already know how badly I’m damaged. But I wonder about those around me now.

You see, all I wanted was to quit smoking because the girl I’m with went on and on with the guilt trips, until I started to feel like a disgusting person around her for being a smoker. It’s not just her, because I really didn’t need anyone to remind me just how bad smoking cigarettes was for my body. It’s been eight years, and only God could save me from whatever damage I may have done to my body. I never smoked a single cigarette without feeling some sort of guilt about it. Maybe her bitching could be what saved me, in the end. We’ll never know I guess. But, it happened. And I fight it every day, and it’s harder than I could ever begin to explain to not smoke. I wish to God I’d never started smoking, because I feel seduced by it, and it actually hurts me inside to not satisfy that craving. Going out is especially hard, when it’s all around me, right in front of my face.

All I know is I was going to quit smoking, and then I realized that every time I drank, my three and four day non-smoking reigns would be ruined, not long after I finished my second beer, or my third shot. So, not only did I quit smoking, I *temporarily* decided to quit drinking… just until I had the smoking out of my system.

Well, then I realized that not only could I not be around it, but also my entire life had somehow become revolved around drinking. And here’s my proof: Not one day has gone by since I’ve stopped that someone hasn’t asked me to go to a bar or party, or something involving alcohol, (which actually pisses me off, more than anything). Not only that, but suddenly, many of the people I thought were my friends have disappeared like clockwork. So here’s my new theory: People in this city know nothing beyond drinking. And it doesn’t take long to get these people into bed with drinks.

All I know is that this is where I’m currently at. I work my ass off in school, five days per week. I get up every morning at 6am, and I work hard to maintain my 3.91 GPA. I no longer want any part of the miserable, disgusting lifestyle that I’ve somehow managed to create for myself. I really don’t care what others do with their lives any more, at this point. I’m so disappointed in so many that I can’t spend another minute worrying about it. There is a big difference between having a good time, and just being plain reckless. And I suppose there is a time for both. Now is not the right time for me to be around recklessness.

I have fought and fought, and fought. I have had my heart ripped out too many times, (sometimes by others, sometimes my own fault, and sometimes it was just “life”). I have been wronged and taken advantage of, and worse of all, came close to giving up on myself. And that’s about all I’m going to take. I don’t care if you love me or hate me, or could care less. If you have a problem with me, or don’t support what it is I’m doing, then I have no room in my life for any of that.

I’m not going to give up and let myself begin to rot away without accomplishing the goals I have set out. So, I guess what I’m saying is I’m done playing games, and I’m not sorry if that ruins anyones plans. If I don’t know you, I don’t know you. And that’s that.

I don’t care anymore what people might think of me. And I’m not totally sure who would really be there for me if it really came down to it. I know a few who claim they are, or say they would be there for me. But I definitely see better than I hear, and I think I’ve seen quite enough.

Love's Destroyer (Psych 100 Report)

“Love’s Destroyer”
by Justin Hite
(Original Article by Hara Estroff Marano, Psychology Today)

There is much debate as to what jealousy is, and what it is not, according to the beliefs of our society. Many observers agree that jealousy takes control of our relationships, and can even be the demise of one. Some skeptics disagree, however, saying that jealousy is merely a “guardian of love.” Exploring the spectrum of beliefs, we find several interesting components that exist in this still-unresolved mystery as to what the actual meaning of the emotion really is. Seemingly, we find the very instinct to be a reflection of our envy towards the “rivals” who have attained that which we have not yet. We also find jealousy to be a living threat to our domain, our property, and our future selves.

Professor of Psychology, Richard Smith (University of Kentucky) actually stakes his claim that jealousy is not envy. Smith says, “Jealousy teaches us about ourselves.” This supports the theory of inward emotions being expressed by anger and rage, fueled by that very insecurity, above-mentioned. Seeing an outside intruder pay close attention to our spouse, for example, would mean nothing if we weren’t somehow envious of that “rival” outsider. This supports the fact that jealousy and envy aren’t the same, but in fact, closely related. We obviously listen to our instincts, and this is where the jealousy stems from. Something inside of us is saying, “this isn’t right.”

Interestingly enough, divorce rates have continued to rise over the years, as population has also increased by the millions. Could there be correlation between the
two? Such evidence suggests my theory: Perhaps we’re losing interest in saving our
relationships. Could it be that our natural selection process is being altered by the increase of our possible mates? Perhaps jealousy isn’t such a bad thing. It may even be one of the remaining factors to hold our relationships together.

Psychologist Steven Stosny has his own theory. “The formula for jealousy is an insecure person times an insecure relationship.” Stosny says that some jealousy is beneficial and even healthy to a relationship, especially one in it’s early stages, (before trust has been developed). “In small doses it’s an expression of caring. Jealousy is like a way of testing whether it’s safe to invest more emotion. Jealousy is a fear of losing something you perceive you have— the affection, the fidelity of another person. The threat of losing it is a test of how much you value it.” However, if something were so valuable, I’m not sure we would leave it for others to gain access. Then again, if it leaves, was it truly our to begin with?

You may be wondering where this uncontrollable, yet supposedly necessary emotion comes from? University of Texas Psychologist David Buss believes that jealousy is deemed “quite necessary” to reduce the odds that their partners will stray. Buss (and a colleague from Spain) conclude that “the individual inclination to jealousy” is strongly influenced by factors such as neuroticism (emotional instability), and such emotions as anger, anxiety, and depression. Their theory is that the higher the level of instability in a person, the more prone to jealousy they become. I don’t see much of a chance for those clinically depressed, or with a history of mental health issues, if this “research” proves to be accurate.

French psychiatrist Marcianne Blevis agrees with the notion. She contends,
“feeling unlovable is the heart of jealousy.” However, she also alleges that jealousy is not the guardian of love, but rather it’s destroyer. After all, jealousy does cause us to act irrationally, to say the least. One such story, as reported within the Psychology Today article, explains how astronaut-in-training Lisa Nowak, at the age of 44, drive a thousand miles nonstop from Houston, TX, to Orlando, FL, wearing a diaper to avoid stopping for bathroom breaks, to kidnap the new girlfriend of an astronaut with whom she had recent affairs with? Such behavior is driven by an inner-emotion, triggered by something deep, according to the panel of experts. Could it be that, which we call, “jealousy?” Perhaps this could be why we attribute the emotion as one of the leading causes of homicide. Now the article is saying if you’re depressed, you are more likely to be jealous, and possibly even kill someone over it. In some cases, I guess it’s true. In general, it may be a bit far-fetched.

Stosny’s theory would correlate with this evidence. He reports, “People use jealousy as a signal to try to control their partner, only making things worse.” It would seem that after losing the upper-hand in the relationship, they would try to compensate themselves by demonstrating supposed “power” over their mate, in jealousy. Such behavior only pushes our mates away, as Blevis claimed. In the article, Blevis speaks of a patient she once had who dared not pursue her own dream career of becoming a doctor, and came to realize that the jealousy she had for a rival was simply masked feelings she felt for not ever pursuing her own dreams. The patient’s boyfriend left her, and after the initial heartbreak, the patient had an epiphany. She soon returned back to school to “fix” the problem. The patient may have lost her boyfriend, but her inner-insecurities were now being resolved. This seems a lot more practical. Jealousy ruined a relationship, one which simply wasn’t meant to be. And great lessons were learned. Now, we’re getting somewhere.

Instead of blaming our partner for their actions, (some even intentionally provoked), we must find the strength to look within ourselves, where we find the source of insecurity, that which only makes our rivals seem that much more superior. This may seem hard to do, seeing as fourty percent of women deliberately provoke a bit of jealousy in a partner to get a reading on the strength of a bond (according to Buss). Such leading examples are talking about an ex, noting being attracted to other guys, dressing provocatively, smiling and flirting, and even failing to answer phone calls for no other reason than to leave the impression of being on another date. Stosny attests to this theory, claiming that people use jealousy as a signal to try to control their partner, only making things worse.” This would explain the bizarre behavior many males have reported in relationships from females. What can now be said to represent the irrational behavior from the male population? We are now lead to believe that only females create this conflict in our relationships. Perhaps only male’s are prone to this formula, and females have built an immunity of some sort.

To conclude the theories and evidence gathered, we also find another interesting fact. Over fifty percent of both Males and Females report having deliberately tried to steal another friend’s mate. This is proof that competition exists, even among friends. Now, it becomes even more clear as to what purpose jealousy may in fact have within a relationship. It is not only an emotion, but also a defense mechanism. It is what we do with jealousy that dictates what happens next to both us , and our relationship. “Secure people handle disappointment without feeling like a total loser,” says Stosny. Yet, as Buss adds, “The more emotionally stable you are, the higher your mate value.” So the jealousy war rages on, as we struggle to sort ourselves out, from the inside.